a response to a guestbook inquiry
Anon - 8/12/2026
Thanks for taking the time to explain your perspective. I agree I would rather focus on my kids and not work if I had the means to do so. Where I don't see this working is around financial means and independence because in reality, being free still requires money - you need to pay a mortgage to have a roof under your head, pay for your food, partake in hobbies. Let's say a SAHM ends up being on her own due to separation/divorce or some other event, but because she's had to rely on her spouse's income, being in this position is devastating. She has no money or it's harder to find a way to earn a living because of the lack of job experience over the years. On the other side of it, the spouse because he's always working, might have a more distant relationship with the kids than if the parents alternated. How do you reconcile these aspects? Maybe these are things you have thought through, but I haven't wrapped my head around. Let me know what you think
My response is this:
I understand that not everyone is in a position where staying home with their children is financially possible, and I would never blame someone for working when they don’t have a feasible alternative. The reality is that we live in a world where many families simply cannot survive on one income.
I’m very fortunate to have a lot of support from my husband and my family, and I know many women don’t have that. At the same time, my situation isn’t based entirely on depending on my husband. I have my own savings, I’m involved in and have access to all of our finances, and we make financial decisions jointly. I also have skills that allow me to earn money from home if I need to. I do bookkeeping, accounting, and business taxes, usually on a seasonal or contract basis, so I can bring in income without working a traditional year-round job.
I’ve also tried to plan ahead for the possibility that something could happen to my husband or our circumstances could suddenly change. When we were in a position to do so, I made it a priority to save enough money to cover at least several months of expenses. This includes the mortgage. Food. Etc. I realize that not everyone has the ability or opportunity to do that, but financial independence and preparedness are important to me.
And you’re right that there is a tradeoff when one parent becomes the primary income earner. My husband does miss some of the time with our children that I get to have. When he gets home, though, he takes over with the kids, and we make a point of doing things together as a family on his days off. He usually has around four hours with them before bedtime each day.
That part isn’t perfect, and there isn’t much I can change about it right now. It’s simply the arrangement that works best for our family at this stage of our lives. I’m grateful that I’m able to stay home and give our children that consistency and stability, while still having skills, savings, and a plan to fall back on if our circumstances ever change.
The thing that will set you apart and allow you to do so, even as a single mother is to plan ahead for rainy days.
However. Being a single mother would make this incredibly difficult. The good thing is that government assistance, church and community help exists ( at least in the USA). The trick however with motherhood is time. Time is more valuable for mothers than money is. You need the right timing to retrieve everything you need to provide for your children, because now you are also working two jobs. Not one. You are raising children and providing for them outside of the home. And we aren't meant to do this. Were meant to have a community and support. Nobody is meant to watch over kids alone ALL day with no time to themselves. And I totally get that. I had that same issue before. And little by little I bettered my life to have more space, resources, and time to myself so that I could take care of my kids better.
My plans on living a better life didn't start before my kids were born. It started right after my first was born. It's like something clicked in my head. It suddenly dawned on me that I needed to set up my life differently. I needed to be better and to be there for them I needed to have time to myself.
I managed to take two years of college and then left college early to do what I needed to do. I stopped buying everything I saw. I sold my excess. My childhood collections. I started buying used things when I needed to or we would save up and buy one really good high end product that was needed that we know would pay itself off for years to come. I cook from scratch. I don't have a large wardrobe of expensive clothes. Or expensive bags. Or expensive hobbies.
There are give or takes in life. But you can't have it all unfortunately.
You make room for what really matters. Personally. My kids and my husband and family matter most to me. then I and my interests come after.
Anyway, I hope this response helps the inquirer or anyone reading.