Trauma never leaves
One thing about traumatic experiences is that they don't stop affecting you. They don't quietly go away. Instead they show up on random days, and they linger. In their affects and how they make you feel.
And it messes with your psyche. Your brain and your body still thinks you're in that same event that you experienced years ago.
And so this loophole of anxiety permeates and persists despite your best efforts to move on from it all.
And today, I guess a combination of lack of sleep and other minor factors combined to put me in the same state I was constantly in several years ago. That anxious state of hypervigilance, distrust and overall depressed mood that I thought I left behind two years ago.
But it never goes away. And we just need to remind ourselves, if we are going through this very same thing years after our traumatic events, that we are no longer in them. Remind your body that that happened years ago And that you have moved on.
And I need to remind myself and my readers in order to cement this, that I need to take a moment to journal, to drink something warm, and to stare off into nothing while I attempt regulate my nervous system once again.